I have a few points of contention with Miss Winnifred Bessimay de Winkerville. I can think of no better place to start than by noting that Miss de Winkerville will glorify self-indulgent, suppressive, murderous governments as the ideologically correct alternative to all other possibilities some day. When that event happens, a darkness and evil exceeding anything seen in history will descend over the world. I can hope only that before it does, people will strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. Only then can we improve the living conditions of the most vulnerable in our society—the sick, the old, the disabled, the unemployed, and our youth—all of whose lives are made miserable by Winnifred Bessimay de Winkerville. Although the historical battle between good and evil is exemplified in the philosophical division between Platonic order and Aristotelian chaos, I have frequently criticized her unspoken plan to marginalize dissident voices. She usually addresses my criticisms by accusing me of fascism, ruffianism, child molestation, and halitosis. Miss de Winkerville hopes that by delegitimizing me this way, no one will listen to me when I say that I am not au fait with Miss de Winkerville's latest perceptions. I am, however, quite familiar with the manner in which she has been posing a threat to personal autonomy and social development. In particular, I know that she knows nothing about the real world. (The merits of her sentiments won't be discussed here because they lack merit.)
Miss de Winkerville's intolerance for those assumed to hold different value systems from hers is so great, so mentally debilitating, so handicapping to her thought processes that if she continues to sacrifice our essential liberties on the altar of political horse-trading, I will be obliged to do something about her. And you know me: I never neglect my obligations. If Miss de Winkerville has any children, I recommend that she teach them about love, trust, cooperation, community, reason, negotiation, and compromise rather than violence, paranoia, and fear.
However deep one delves into the citations and footnotes of Miss de Winkerville's reports and however poised and “mainstream” her hired goons appear once challenged, there is no way to forget that the reason she wants to foment a radical realignment of industrialized economies is that she's thoroughly irrational. If you believe you have another explanation for her discourteous, politically incorrect behavior, then please write and tell me about it. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that from secret-handshake societies meeting at “the usual place” to back-door admissions committees, Miss de Winkerville's yeomen have always found a way to turn us into easy prey for chuffy, self-absorbed polemicists.
To understand why that affects everyone who has ever lived you need to realize that Miss de Winkerville's favorite activities all involve supplanting national heroes with the worst kinds of daft beguilers there are. Sadly, this shameful impiety has prevailed with the populace, the canaille, the vulgar. It appeals to self-aggrandizing numskulls and prevents them from seeing that when Miss de Winkerville's capilotades are challenged, she usually responds by eliminating those law-enforcement officers who constitute the vital protective bulwark in the fragile balance between anarchy and tyranny. Well, you can't really expect her to defend her positions with facts, explanations, logical arguments, or even references to events that occurred less than two years ago, can you? I think that I, speaking as someone who is not a boisterous fustilarian, have a workable strategy for educating, pressuring, and changing society as a whole. Naturally, the proof of the pudding is in the eating, but I have already established that it doesn't do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the evils of Miss de Winkerville's opuscula in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us and join forces with us, then we must establish liberté, egalité, fraternité. You may be wondering why dotty marauders latch onto Miss de Winkerville's artifices. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why many people think of Miss de Winkerville's malapert monographs as a joke, as something only half-serious. In fact, they're deadly serious. They're the tool by which deplorable opportunists will preach a propaganda of hate before you know it. A second all-too-serious item is that Miss de Winkerville says that a plausible excuse is a satisfactory substitute for performance. That is the most despicable lie I have ever heard in my entire life.
Miss de Winkerville always says the most myopic things. Try to say that too loudly or persistently, though, and watch how Miss de Winkerville, as a self-described champion of free speech, handles your freedom of speech. I assure you it won't be pleasant, but perhaps it will get people talking about how I was absolutely gobsmacked the first time I saw Miss de Winkerville combining the most sordid avarice with the most invincible hatred of the very people who tolerate and enrich her. Since then, I've seen her do that so many times that I hardly bat an eyelid when someone tells me that Miss de Winkerville never stops boasting about her generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, her claimed magnanimousness is totally chimerical, and, furthermore, despite the dominant narrative within Miss de Winkerville's gestapo that Miss de Winkerville's announcements are good for the environment, human rights, and baby seals, history tells a different story. History tells us that Miss de Winkerville claims to have turned over a new leaf shortly after getting caught trying to overthrow democratic political systems. This claim is an outright lie that is still being circulated by Miss de Winkerville's peeps. The truth is that whenever I hear Miss de Winkerville's gofers witter on about how all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash, I interpret this poppycock as an implicit request for chemical treatment of their rampant (and generally unacknowledged) Asperger syndrome. And that's it. Miss Winnifred Bessimay de Winkerville's chargés d'affaires are too impuissant to stand up to her.