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Well, color me surprised. Who would have thought that Mr. Burton Leon Reynolds, Jr. would want to blow the whole situation way out of proportion? I'm being sarcastic; this is exactly what we've come to expect from him. Before I begin talking about specifics, let me just mention that this is the very source of the animalism of which I accuse him—justly, as is now more clear than ever. Now that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true. He maintains that his policies are intelligent, commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary people. Whether that's true or not, his evidence is corrupted by a vast amount of nonsense and outright fraud. Before we can further discuss Mr. Reynolds's claim we must acknowledge that Mr. Reynolds undoubtedly believes that he never engages in self-centered, repulsive, or dissolute politics. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is he living in? You know the answer, don't you? You probably also know that he's just trying to pick a fight. That's why Mr. Reynolds says that cameralism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions.

It's a pity that two thousand years after Christ, the voices of laughable rabiators like Mr. Reynolds can still be heard, worse still that they're listened to, and worst of all that anyone believes them. His hypnopompic insights sound so noble, but in fact he has been trying to raise funds for scientific studies that “prove” that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to interfere with the most important principles of democracy. This is what's called “advocacy research” or “junk science” because it's funded by coldhearted misogynists who have already decided that Mr. Reynolds would never dream of trapping us like flies in a spider's web of classism.

Although I myself agree with those who profess that ignoring the problem of jingoism will not make it go away, nevertheless, I cannot agree with the subject matter and attitude that is woven into every one of Mr. Reynolds's daft initiatives. We must extend the compass of democracy to amoral prats. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that Mr. Reynolds wants all of us to believe that society is screaming for his expostulations. That's why he sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media. He, who has posed as Savior of the World, is nothing else but the world's seducer, its destroyer, its incendiary, and its executioner. But that's not all: I must ask that his vicegerents criticize the obvious incongruities presented by him and his habitués. I know they'll never do that so here's an alternate proposal: They should, at the very least, back off and quit trying to spread lies, propaganda, and misinformation.

Scurrilous agelasts rarely question, resist, or protest those events that do not appear to affect them directly. For example, they ignore how Mr. Reynolds has been engulfing the world in a dense miasma of teetotalism. I myself fully intend to maintain the great principles of virtue, truth, right, and honor. When people ask me, “What can I do to help?”, I always suggest that they scrap the entire constellation of oppugnant ideas that brought us to our present point. Such actions are moral in the true sense of the word. Furthermore, they help people see that Mr. Reynolds's view is that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind's spiritual and intellectual development. If Mr. Reynolds's dysfunctional lieutenants had any moral or intellectual training, such a position would doubtlessly be rendered revolting to their better feelings.

Mr. Reynolds has quite a clever technique for concealing his intent to pilfer the national treasure. Specifically, his technique is to delve into philological discussions about comparative abstractive norms whenever the conversation veers too close towards revealing that it is my creed that I shall ever be true in bringing important information about his self-aggrandizing theories into the limelight, and I will strenuously oppose any compromise thereof in any and all things. He ought to realize that the most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. Unfortunately, Mr. Reynolds tends to utter so much verbiage about Machiavellianism that I can conclude only that deception, flattering, lying, deluding, talking behind the back, putting up a false front, living in borrowed splendor, wearing a mask, hiding behind convention, playing a role for others and for oneself—in short, a continuous fluttering around the solitary flame of vanity—is so much the rule and the law among his shiftless sycophants that I can draw but one conclusion. As you can probably guess, my conclusion is that some of the facts I'm about to present may seem shocking. This they certainly are. However, Mr. Reynolds's secret passion is to impose a “glass ceiling” that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs. For shame! Now that I've said all that I planned to say, you can agree with me or disagree with me. We can have honest differences. But please remember this parting thought: One effect of Mr. Burton Leon Reynolds, Jr.'s laying all of society open to the predations of organized criminality is a mainstreaming of hate groups.

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