"Itchin' and a-Twitchin'" is a song featured in "Dog Eat Dog." It is sung by Charlie B. Barkin on lead, with Itchy in the background.
Charlie and Itchy are pretending to be the Blueshounds (whom Charlie booked against Sasha's list, but who were late). The audience participates in the song, but after it is over, Charlie twirls his hat and unintentionally shoves the harmonica (which Itchy is twirling on his fingertip) in Itchy's mouth, making him choke, so Charlie performs the Heimlich maneuver on him. After the harmonica is shoved out, it bounces around and eventually exposes Charlie and Itchy's true identities to the audience, making them demand refunds.
The song has a sing-along version on MGM Sing-Along: Being Happy.
Lyrics[]
CHARLIE: My girl's a collie named Molly, three years old.
She keeps me hangin', she treats me cold.
She brings me twice the misery of a case of fleas.
I call her up and holler, "Please, honey, plea-hea-hease!"
I'm itchin' for you to treat me right.
Twitchin' in all my dreams at night.
I can't sleep
'Cause I-I keep (ITCHY: *spoken* Why, why?)
CHARLIE & ITCHY: Itchin' and a twitchin'.
(OTHER DOGS: Itchin' and a twitchin'.)
CHARLIE: Round 1 a.m., I saw you jump back over the gate.
Where had you been, girl, out that late?
You said it was the groomers. Now, that cannot be true.
You had your collar on backwards and your fur was muddy too-oo-oo-oo!
I'm itchin' for you to treat me right.
Twitchin' in all my dreams at night.
I can't sleep
'Cause I-I keep
CHARLIE & ITCHY: Itchin' and a twitchin'.
(OTHER DOGS: Itchin' and a twitchin'.)
CHARLIE: Now you know a dog is supposed to beg, don't ya?
If I had knees, honey, oh, I'd be down on them, right now!
Have mercy!
I whimper like a puppy when you cross your paws that way.
(ITCHY: *spoken* Listen to him!)
CHARLIE: I shiver, I quiver, I shake all over
Every time I hear you say-ay...
ITCHY: *spoken* Oh, this poor dog... is... sufferin', I tell ya!
CHARLIE: Oh, I'm itchin' for you to treat me right.
Twitchin' in all my dreams at night.
I can't sleep (ITCHY: *spoken* Why? Why?)
'Cause I keep
CHARLIE & ITCHY: Itchin' and a twitchin'.
(OTHER DOGS: Itchin' and a twitchin'.)
I'm itchin'...
OTHER DOGS: ... for you to treat me right.
CHARLIE: Twitchin'...
OTHER DOGS: ... in all my dreams at night.
CHARLIE: I can't sleep (ITCHY: *spoken* Why?)
CHARLIE: 'Cause I keep (ITCHY: *spoken* Huh?)
Itchin' and a twitchin'.
(OTHER DOGS: Itchin' and a twitchin'.)
Itchin' and a twitchin'.
(OTHER DOGS: Itchin' and a twitchin'.)
ITCHY: *spoken* Ooh. I'm so Itchy.